I was having a think the other day about the reason why I’m writing this blog and I had a horrible thought.

The thought was how this blog was open to interpretation and some people may see it as a licence to rant and complain. Suddenly I had this horrible feeling of being misunderstood.

Being misunderstood is one of the worst feelings ever.

Like that time I was laughing at something in my head at school and the teacher thought I was laughing at them.

Totally misunderstood.

But you know, when you’re being told off you can’t really explain that actually you were actually laughing about something that happened to you in the shops last week…. and not at them… and you understand teachers are human and have feelings too ….and you are not a total bitch… (just a bit of a bitch because you are a 14 year old girl after all).

But you just end up feeling awkward, embarrassed and.. well… misunderstood.

These parental observations that I write down are in no way meant to be understood as a complaint or rant and if you understood them to be that then please read the following paragraph:

(DISCLAIMER: this paragraph contains massively nausea inducing sentiment, if you are of a queasy nature please look away now)

I am more than happy with my lot. I believe myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world. I know what some people go through to achieve all that I have. I feel eternally grateful for the health and happiness of my three children and my husband. I value nothing else in this life as much as them and that.

Yes it’s still me and no I haven’t been hacked. Ok? done. We made it. Right. So anyway this blog was not written as a complaint but as way of providing transparency for other new parents or parents to be.

I really struggled when I became a parent, and it was for loads of reasons but the over riding one was WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID NO ONE TELL ME? Sure, they told me that babies need feeding and are not so good on the whole sleep front but I would have really benefitted from someone saying:

Informative truth teller: ’You know how your life is…?’

Me (drinking coffee): ‘Yep’

Informative truth teller: ‘Yeah. That changes’

Me (eating breakfast): ‘Sure it does’

Informative truth teller: ‘No seriously, nothing is really the same’

Me: ‘Talk me through this… I can still drink my coffee and eat my breakfast, right?’

Informative truth teller: ‘Yeah. Maybe at lunchtime though’

Me: ‘But how come? Babies are so small. And when I see them they are sleeping normally’

Informative truth teller: ‘Because you probably won’t have had any sleep the night before. And then you’ll stumble downstairs, put the kettle on and then remember the baby needs a change. Then you’ll change their nappy, and it’ll take a while because you’re not used to doing it. And then you’ll wrap up their little nappy and realise that they’ve just done a poo. And so you’ll take it off to change it again and they’ve started to wail because now they are hungry and due a feed. So you’ll change their nappy again quickly and wap out your boob and realise you never ended up making a drink and are INSANELY thirsty and uncomfortable. And your phone is just out of reach and the sofa is half a mile from the kettle. So you’ll finish the feed and then burp the baby. But it’s not settling so you think it might still be hungry. So you feed the baby again. Burp them again and then realise you have an irrational desire to now go change the baby into an outfit that your Auntie Joan bought for her. So you get the outfit, change the baby and then….’

Me: ‘Okay, okay Informative truth teller you paint quite a picture… Quite a boring picture to be honest’

Informative truth teller: ‘Oh yeah, and that. You are going to frequently be very bored. And tired. It’s a strange combination’

Me: ‘But see Heather over there from 3 doors down. She LOVES it. She’s always singing nursery rhymes to her baby and cooing over it. She’s not bored. Or tired.’

Informative truth teller: ‘Heather cries every day and self medicates with fruit pastilles and vodka’.

Me: ‘Oh. Odd. But at least Tina loves it. She’s got two so totally knows what she’s doing’

Informative truth teller: ‘Myth’

Me: ‘What?’

Informative truth teller: ‘Tina’s second baby is nothing like her first and now she has to contend with a toddler as well. Tina is also learning on the job’.

Me: ‘Does anyone have this parenting thing sussed then?’

Informative truth teller: ‘Nope’

Me ‘THEN WHY DO THEY PRETEND TO?’

Informative truth teller: ‘There are two theories- one is that it is a national conspiracy to keep procreation continuing. And the the other is that someone pretended to them that it was easy etc etc and they just did the same.

Me: ‘Oh. Right’

So this blog is me not doing the same and calling time on the picture perfect image of parenting. Not because it’s not everything I wanted it to be… now, but it took more time than it would have done had I had an informative truth teller on side. So let me be yours- and i’m not complaining, I’m #justsaying.

And next time someone asks you how your day is going maybe try and be the informative truth teller yourself. Instead of ‘fine thanks’, how about ‘well I spent the first hour trying to have a coffee in between scraping poo out of Peppa pig pants, because they are the absolute fave ones, balancing a baby on my hip and being shouted instructions at by a emotionally unstable five year old.’

You NEVER know when the person you are talking to has a high level of dependence on fruit pastilles, despite seeming like more of a Hemsley Hemsley kind of gal. And you never know, they might share with you.